Dear President Trump,
On behalf of the Australian people, I would like to apologise for the presence of Kevin Rudd in Washington.
In recent polling, the Australian people recognise that Dr Rudd’s political party is unlikely to engage you well.
Moreover, there is very strong support for the US alliance among Australians, especially versus alternative Chinese leadership.
We respect the right of the American people to make their choice and wish you all the best in your second presidency.
History would suggest that Australians are no more fond of Dr Rudd than your good self.
In 2010, a small gang of miners was able to remove him from his prime ministership without ceremony.
When he returned as prime minister in 2013, after stabbing a colleague in the back more times than anybody could count, he was booted out with great enthusiasm a second time.
In particular, beneath the level of elites represented in Dr Rudd and his misbegotten political party, you will find great support in Australia for your stance on China.
That country has undertaken a “silent invasion” of Australia in the last decade or more. Largely via giant bribes made to Dr Rudd’s political party (though not exclusively).
Your first presidency helped turn this around and your second will doubtless assist mightily as well.
Unfortunately, Dr Rudd and the Australian Labor Party have a recent history of putting domestic politics over the Australian national interest, so we cannot promise that he will be out of your towering hair soon.
In that vein, we apologise for his intemperate and rude commentary upon your good self and beg your indulgence. As you say, he is not the “brightest bulb”.
However, if your pique with Dr Rudd is such that declaring him persona non grata appeals, be assured that it would just be a little bit of history repeating for us.
And it is the kind of kick that the Australian Labor Party needs.
Yours sincerely,
The Australian people
